Monday, August 27, 2012
Money Shot Monday
I have fallen hard for Mango.
It took me quite by surprise. We just...have a connection. It's real, man.
Mango gets me.
I don't have to pretend with Mango. I can be myself -- the self that eats two entire mangoes in one sitting. The one who piles them into my shopping cart like they're salsa jars.
What I really want to know is, why didn't you tell me how amazing Mango is? Did you want to keep us apart? Were you jealous? Why??
He's beauty and brains. Sweet and healthy. He's Bill Cosby and Bill Kristol.
Here's a tip, though you totally do not deserve it seeing as how you blatantly sabotaged the first 35 years of my life: Pick the mango that squeezes a little more than you think it should. It might look a little past its prime. A bit squishy and age-spotted, perhaps. The smoother, greener ones will try to sway you. Do. Not. Let them.
You'll thank me for it. And so will your peepers.